Om, Shanti, Shanti, Shanti

“The Greatest Benefactor”

2011-04-06T15:16:00.000-07:00

Once you learn something new, your perception on what is going on around you is broadened. When a child learns about crayons, they then recognize walls, doors and windows, and their potential to be great canvases. When one learns about trans fats and high fructose corn syrup, suddenly a nutrition label becomes daily reading material. When I started to think about the differences between killing in vain versus killing as a defender of humanity, I found myself in conversations about it constantly. Discussing the death penalty and our judicial system with friends, or the laws of war with co-workers and even how we justify murder with a stranger. It sounds deviant, but it is no different than learning about how ice cream is made and wanting to tell someone what you know.

It was my friend’s birthday the other day and we went to the bar to celebrate life, accompanied by car bombs (no pun intended) and jokes with an occasional current event. My friend Preston is a writer, therefore a debater. He was sitting next to this extremely odd guy and somehow they came across the topic of guns, murder and war. Preston likes to do this when he has been drinking, bring up a deep topic and see how far the conversation will escalate until I burst out in laughter at the other people’s ignorance. I know you are probably reading this, thinking okay, get to the point, but to truly paint the picture you must be patient and observe the details. We were all feeling good when I overhear Preston and the strange fellow’s conversation.

Dude: “Ya man, I used to want to be a Navy Seal just for the reason that I wana kill people!”…“It may sound mentally ill man, but it’s true. Being a Navy Seal would be awesome because it justifies murder.”

What did you say sir? Justifies murder? How so?

Karl Heinzen’s article “Murder” opened my mind up to a new way of thinking about the person holding the dagger. Growing up we are taught that killing is wrong, but human history contradicts that philosophy. Our blood stained past and present is defined by murder, betrayal, and the glory that follows the victory over our “barbaric” enemy. So, as a result, we have been conditioned to accept certain justifiable murders, whether it is one person or it is mass murder, and condemn the wrong murderers.

“No clear-thinking, rational person can accept the hair-splitting distinctions by which certain methods of obliterating the enemy are justified and other condemned; such distinctions rest on theological and legal fictions and do not in any way alter the facts of the matter, which are that in each case it is purely and simply a question of obliterating one’s enemy.” (Heinzen, 54)

Perhaps it is not the actual act of ending one’s life that is a crime, but the failure to end an immoral person’s life. Karl Heinzen stresses the point that the man who would not give up his own life for the satisfaction of ending a million barbarians’ lives is not a Republican (Heinzen 59). Once murder is justified dependent on the morality of the enemy, everything is blurred. The philosophy we were taught as children that killing is wrong is no longer a thought in our minds, but rather our thoughtis, is killing this particular person wrong. Once we have accepted this thought, it will quickly turn into, is killing these particular people wrong. Hence, “the greatest benefactor of mankind will be he who makes it possible for a few men to wipe out thousands (59).” Once were have accepted justifiable murder, the only solution to prevent our enemies from destroying our system is to wipe them out as fast as possible. We have come so far in this moral acceptance, and now when you as an adult turn on the television and listen to stories of mass murder it hardly fazes you. You do not feel that indignant pulse your once innocent mind would have felt.

So here lays the problem and the solution, the heroes and the villains, the Good and the Bad. If we are to defend the good, we must destroy the bad. This is the new “Thou Shalt Not Kill.” This is the nothing new philosophy of the powerful, and the validation of the terrorist’s actions. If everyone is using the same reason to wage war, when will the war be won? The nuclear bomb could very well be our world’s greatest benefactor, in a way it is keeping us still for a moment. We have created that solution to our problem of bad. A simple way to kill millions, but now even our barbaric enemies has gained control over this tool. This blurs the line even more. According to Heinzen, the only choice we have is to either be murdered for freedom’s sake or murder for it (59). This seems to be our enemy’s exact philosophy. We call our murders victories, our deaths, sacrifices and their murders, terrorist acts, their deaths martyrs. Their justification is not valid in our minds and eyes; so the laws of war continue to wage on and trump other laws of morality and ethics, for without this war, there would be no blood, and as time continues, it seems that our mother earth yearns for that blood.

Laqueur, Walter. ""Murder" by Karl Heinzen." The Terrorism Reader: a Historical Anthology. New York: New American Library, 1978. Print.

The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virgnia

2011-03-07T21:12:00.000-08:00

Heard of them?

Neither have I. My neighbor urged me to watch this documentary about a family from the mountains in good Ol West Virgina.

I have pretty strong opinions on the government "over looking" extreme poverty on US soil, while insisting on "helping" less fortunate peoples around the world. It is all a big spin. In the end, the important people do not give a *blank* about poor people, no matter their location. Sure, they might get a check signed by the president himself, but that is not getting them anywhere but into more trouble, and possible expanding their hopeless DNA pool.

I am not being pessimistic, rather, open minded.

The people in the ghetto, the mountains, and the third world all have one thing in common... No incentive.

Why do you do what you do every single day? To get paid that cash money? To pay for that adrenaline rush? To eat food that is beyond your imagination good? To go on a fabulous vacation? Overall, these are all reachable goals because YOU have the tools to provide them for yourself. You have jobs, schools, a functioning police station... overall more tools for good than bad. When the only way to feed yourself is to get a government paycheck, get a dangerous, tiring, really hard job (ie. mining from this particular example) or flip drugs and weapons (barf don't get me started on small arms trade).

These people are literally cut off from our reality. We walk different streets and have different thoughts fly out to the universe to mingle with the stars.

But, it doesn't have to stay that way. Happiness is viral, and as the world awakens to globalization, more people awaken to the blindness that the world has been offering. I know I wont stop trying to spread this smile that I carry, I need those smiles to carry me too.

That is all.

if you're interested
thewildandwonderfulwhites

And readers, this iss a topic I would really like to talk about.. so comment.. so I can some more lol.

Current Reality

2011-03-01T21:34:00.000-08:00

My Reality Is Bigger ThanYour Dreams Are

But why, Wayne?

The secret to life is to write your own story. Do it big. DO what makes you happy. We live in a current reality, your current circumstance does not have to affect where you'll be in a year or any time frame. I know this from experience. Each year, each day, I create my reality. I slip sometimes, I get weighed down by life's conditions, I am human. But by visualizing what I want, and basing my decisions on how happy I am, I have been able to conquer feats like travel to the middle east and roller blade down a steep hill that runs into high street during rush hour.

Today I took the day off from "reality" and toned into what makes me smile. I succeeded. I learned how to juggle. I hit the fast pitch baseballs. I painted something colorful. I ate really good food. I created my reality, and damn was it enjoyable. You see, I will never go hungry or be homeless because I will not let that happen. My mind and my will are stronger than outside forces of my environment.

That said, I will leave you with a quote by Albert Einstein,

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.”

Want, Believe, Achieve

POP!

2011-02-25T11:29:00.000-08:00

My bubble has burst. While I entertained Indonesia quite well, others did not. I have one on one consulted my people and pretty much all of them told me to bow out. BooGoo has my back, but only after she begged me not to go. lol, no worries mamac, I am unfortunately stuck here for now.

Indonesia, you done missed out!

Some Cool Stuff

2011-02-25T10:19:00.000-08:00

people have sent me this stuff lately... so now I shall pass it on toooooooooo

I just purchased my own T to make a public stand against senate bill 5, ya mean? Here is a little something to educate you on what senate bill 5 is. Alsooooo........... an app... for my phone so that I can download free music. Oh, and the reason I even wrote this:

I am about to about to eat a free burrito

Sha Bang A Bang!

A Reason To Be Back

2011-02-24T12:55:00.000-08:00

Oh I have so many. But today, today I experienced that notorious edge that we like to talk about, the tipping point. I own this here Thursday, and its not even the end of "the work day."

So what is so awesome?

Well first off, I started my day with an hour of ass kicking. Is there a better confidence booster? Nah.

Afterwards I had a meeting to tell me that I am wanted in Indonesia. LOL @ me in Indonesia. I mean, I know I am always blabbing about politics in Indonesia and who doesnt think Bali is gorgeous? hahaha But to actually be writing in Indonesia for a month, staying on the Island of Java (the worlds most populous island, fyi) my heart keeps skipping beats.

Yogyakarta City

Java Island, Indonesia

Yogyakarta City is old. It was built around several temples that date back thousands of years and the city was part of the Mataram Dynasty,1575 and 1640.... You all know I love old stuff that people used to use. Jerusalem was the ultimate treasure to see, but Indonesia has lots of history to offer too, as well as lots of modern developments that will be satisfying to look into.

Ill be staying at Gadjah Mada University in Yogyakarta, the countries oldest college. While there I will be directly observing multiple development projects and from there gather my own information during field work on the Indonesian version of development. So basically, I will be writing a lot.

Hence, the title of this post.

Now that the hard part is over, I got start stacking some cash. I cant wait until I start to get paid for doing work.

When does that start??

So now, I am sitting here, thinking about ways to make money... downloading new mixtapes ( which, btw, if you are a hip hop fan and haven't downloaded J. Cole "Friday Night Lights" and/or all of Wale's mixtapes.... get on that, please.)

My readers, if you have any ideas to help me raise 5400 dollars in a month, holla.

And no, I wont strip for it.

Egypt in Da House

2011-01-30T00:15:00.001-08:00

So, quite a few of my friends and family have asked me what I think about Egypt in the last 2 days. A couple of people even called me just to ask. I said a brief word or two, but nothing significant. I suggested a few things, but I don’t think I gave anyone a good reply. I can sum it up in 3 words, bound to happen. It is actually quite calming to me, and reassuring. This revolution is satisfying to me because it shows the potential of the people. When enough is enough, ya know. It can get depressing to know what goes on somewhere, and the people suffering are too weak to demand better. I actually read a book last month, a collection of memoirs from Egyptian women… and let me tell you, it was depressing. Knowing statistics, visiting as a tourist… these encounters did not help me to feel the pain, but reading the words of another, feeling her soul hurt, that got me. So, when someone asks me how I feel about the situation in Egypt , I say I don’t know but I hope it is a domino effect.

But I am no expert, haha.

My good pal Damon sent me this video: http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150091038936234

Painting For BooGoo

2010-08-17T21:40:00.000-07:00

President Obama,

2010-08-17T09:41:00.000-07:00

I'm writing you this letter
becuase I feel I really need to warn ya.
You see- I am having these issues with my Fincaial Aid,
I am starting to feel a bit afraid.
My taxes, I did not evade,
I always get a good grade,
I am definetly not overpaid,
I am just tryin' to study for my trade!

What I am told the problem is,
Seems to be out of the hands of this WHIZ.
My moms new husbands income is affecting me,
The injustice here, you will soon agree.
I havent lived with my mom in over 6 years,
I am old enough now to sling back a few beers.
I have been putting myself through college,
Tryin' to build up my knowledge.
I take every opportunity
To positively
Impact the community,
Spreadin' peace n' love,
But still I fall short of-

This system is holding me down,
I'm just tryn' not to drown,
In debt,
Or regret...

I'm just a little confused,
I thought this nation laid down the right foundation,
So that students like me could recieve an education,
While big time CEO's took a vacation.
But it seems I have been played,
I can't help but to feel betrayed.
I thought you said FAFSA would be simplified,
But the other day I cried...

No money for the Independent,
Maybe I'll just drop out and be a flight attendent.
But we can't even fuel the airplanes,
All the money is going to political campaigns,
Providing solutions to this Sh*t,
But you know it aint Legit.

I guess all I really want to say,
And I know it sounds a bit cliche.
But I just got to get it off my chest,
I am super stressed,
And not very impressed.
But just incase this letter is a success,
Send a check to the return address.
:)

Bests,

A Regular Girl From The Midwest

What Are We Not Accounting For?

2010-08-16T20:55:00.000-07:00

Truth... what would we do without it? Live in Bliss? Or live with false Hatred?

When something one once thought was the truth is debunked so elegantly, how does one cope?

The Anniversary of 9/11 is coming up rather quickly. In preparation for mourning, one must understand what exactly they are sad about. Lost lives is only the brink of my heart break when it comes to 9/11. 9 years after the tragedy, questions still pour through my mind. How could our sufficient government and military let something like this occur? Why would anyone want to harm lives of innocent people? What could motivate such an act? When will people not be okay with the shady story that is written in the history books?

I stumbled upon many documentaries made by people like me who had the thirst for the truth, my thirst has never, in 9 years, been quenched. Conspiracy theories to "facts", I still did not understand the answers to my questions. 9 years since the tragedy that claimed roughly 2,976 lives on that day, and still it is affecting the lives of many innocent beings today.

I recently found a documentary made by Dylan Avery, a 26 year old guy from NY, that changed my perspective entirely. I encourage all that mourn the lives lost on 9/11/2001 to educate themselves further on what exactly happened on that day.

It is up to us to write history, it is up to us to shape society. We do NOT have to stand by and watch hatred spread, or settle for what is spoon fed to us. It is up to us and only us to find the truth. Please do not settle for what you are told, don't listen to me, don't listen to Dylan Avery, look, find, examine, and develop. ONLY then will those lost lives be avenged.

http://www.loosechange911.com/

Flight 2026

2010-08-11T22:42:00.000-07:00

I hate flying on a rainy day. I don’t think I should test mother nature, how bold am I? Who says I need to get to Atlanta right now. Flight 2026, we are ready for take off… Reading in turbulence, hung over as all hell, is a sure trip to the airplane bathroom. Even if I was able to read right now, I didn’t bring the most appropriately titled book for public. Or is it? The nice lady next to me would surely be offended. Or, maybe, she is so caught up in her own world that she wouldn’t even notice a little swear word.

Oh thank God, the fasten seat belt sign just turned off. Lordy Lordy, we are safe.

.Life has a funny way of waking you up when you become swept up by its conditions. If the smaller, subtle wake up calls fail, then mother nature will give you a slap. And if that doesn’t work? A freak accident will take care of you. I cant help but feel like a dumbass after the last few weeks of wake up calls. You know the saying, “when it rains, it pours?” Ya, how about wake the hell up and appreciate life. It isn’t a guarantee, you know. YOU are NOT invincible.

Oh great, “Folks we’re a little choppy, Im guna hafta turn the ’fasten seatbelts’ sign back on and ask you return to your seats.”

People just get used to living, and they forget to live. It becomes habit, monotonous, go with the motions and you’ll be safe. Why not take chances, risk having a better, happy life. Fear fuels stagnation.

I am victim to my own fears. A leap requires courage. Two years ago when I decided I wanted to jump off a cliff, into a lake, I swallowed my fears and leaped. Risked my life for a little adrenaline. But it wasn’t the adrenaline I wanted, what I wanted was to overcome myself. Take control over my body, and feel the world I lived in.

Deep breath, look over the edge and watch little stones trickle down with gravity and hit the water.

Splash.

Deep breath, assure my doubt that I am jumping no matter what it is says.

Walk back to get a running start, kick off my sandals.

Deep breath, stop thinking and just run already!

Mind goes blank, I run as fast as I can… My feet touch the edge of the cliff, my muscles react without orders and I jump.

OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO FUCKING DIE. The only thought running through my head as my brain suffers momentarily from lack of oxygen. Free falling is a great wake up call. Hello? Yes this is she. I’m alive? This isn’t the Truman Show? Wow, well… thank you! Talk to you later, bye.

My body hit the water.

Splash.

I sink to the bottom, and realize I need to swim now. I come up for air with a huge smile and gasp for oxygen.

OH MY GOD I AM FUCKNG ALIVE.

One thing I am sure of in life is that children will always seek validation from their parents. I feel bad for parents, they have a tough job, and I think we are most often too hard on them. I cant tell you how much our parents come up in discussion, even as adults, we still focus so much energy on pleasing them… or criticizing them.

The other day I smoked a cigarette in front of my father. It was my 23rd birthday and I was feeling liberated. The first birthday I had spent with my dad in 6 years, and I wanted to show him how alive I am.

Look what I can do, I can kill myself slowly if I want to.

He didn’t say a word about it, just continued our conversation like I wasn’t inhaling toxic chemicals. Even as adults, we cry out to out parents for attention, and even as adults, we have a hard time coping with the absence of change in our parents. I didn’t even want the cigarette, I wanted a reaction. A reaction I got, apathy.

Apathy. What a hell of a reaction. So bold are the ignorant that they feel so entitled to be apathetic. Why do YOU get to be the apathetic soul, why do I have to care what happens to you. You don’t care about me, so why must I have my heart hurt when you hurt?

But in all honesty, I would rather be me. I would rather have the constant reminder that I am alive when I feel my heart break for a stranger. I would rather feel vulnerable to a man who 10,000 miles away from me, than settle for the comfort and safety of a man who lives next door. Id rather get angry when I read about the pain a child has to go through, than look right past their tears. Id rather cry everyday for every woman than to feel empty. Plain. Bored. Pointless. Heartless.

The only thing I need in

life is purpose.

Ah, tomato juice. Old faithful. My staple diet while traveling, what would I do without your nourishment. Mmmmm.

I do suggest tomato juice when you fly, it is delicious, filling, healthy… BUT it is red. Seconds after I put my computer away, following orders, I spilled my glass of juice on my lap. I started to laugh, the lady next to me started to laugh too. It was funny. At least I had time to change clothes on my layover.

Coincidentally, after I put my computer away I had a conversation with the lady next to me about fear and life. She told me she was going to Italy with her daughter, and she loves to travel, but her husband wont leave the country. He is too afraid to experience the world. She let me in on a little secret, she was afraid to travel alone. This was the first flight she had every flown on by herself. She pulled her ticket out and asked if she had enough time to get to her connecting flight and seemed a bit panicked. I assured her she would have a solid 40 minutes to get to Terminal E, the International Terminal. I told her it was a very nice terminal, they even played piano in the cafeteria, but she wouldn’t have enough time to enjoy it as much as I did. She laughed and eased up a little. She asked if the train to take her to the terminal was far. I smiled and replied that I had a two hour layover so I would be more than happy to show her the way to her flight.

We got off the plane and she immediately lets me know she is following me. I laughed and said I know! Once we get her to her flight, she gave me a big hug and thanked me. I told her to have a WONDERFUL time in Italy, enjoy every minute of it.

I never even got her name.

My lay over was perfect, I had just enough time to change my clothes, wash my face, grab a bottle of water and chat with Ahmed. We talked about Ramadan, and how it is so lovely because it really allows a person to take a breath and realize what is important in life. People spend time with their families and really re-connect with the important aspects of living. Something like Ramadan needs to be practiced all over the world. I think everybody needs to take a step back from their day to day routines and re-evaluate what the hell they have been doing.

My vacation to South Florida with Sarah was a chance for us to both re-evaluate life, and develop a new perspective about how we are living it. The first day in Sunny Isles, we got into a car accident. Everyone involved walked away from it with just a few scratches, but the rental car was done for. You ever have one of those surreal experiences where time is in slow motion and you cant hear a single sound? Where you are moving, but you don’t know what exactly you are moving towards? Where a car window shatters next to your best friend and all you can do is cover your face… well, I had one of these moments. Driving in South Beach is a risk. Driving in South Beach with a Prius, even bigger risk. Blind spots are no joke.

I was parking, I abruptly switched lanes to do so, I checked my mirrors, and turned right. Next thing I know, I am outside of the car pacing around a Spanish-speaking motorcyclist whose arm wont stop bleeding, listening to a man calling 911, and thinking one simple thought, “Is this REALLY happening?“ Sarah, still in the car, speechless. How exactly it happened, I am still not quite sure. He drove right into the side of our car and his arm took out the window. He wasn’t wearing a helmet, and he didn’t die.

I paced.

And paced.

And paced.

Life is too short to dwell on its conditions. Life is too unpredictable to be so sure. So now, when I walk away from this accident, neck deep in debt and worry, am I able to not dwell?

We had a good time in South Florida regardless. We went for a walk a few hours after, and ended up at an Italian restaurant. We decided to share a bowl of pasta and a bottle of Malbec. The server brought out the bottle and wished us health and money before our first sip.

We toasted.

Health and Money.

Process

2010-08-02T12:51:00.000-07:00

The Process that comes with making Art is why I love Art. I hardly care for the final piece, and I miss making it. I miss the flow of ideas, the connections my mind makes while compiling the never ending ideas... Sometimes I will make more than one piece of art at a time... sometimes I never finish the art, and maybe that is finished to me. Anywho, my friend Shannon requested I put these pictures up the other day, so here they are... The Process of My Layers Piece, Jerusalem.

^This picture makes me laugh becuase my shirt is flipped up, something I do often when at home...

I needed COLOR, next painting to relieve my eyes!

The End.

Layla's Advice On Life...

2010-07-28T23:05:00.000-07:00

It is funny how much one little inkling of anxiety, one little tug at the tummy... one little ounce of fear can shape and transform a being. Fear commands even the strongest to lay down and tremble. Fear can make even the most determined take a break from their high stride. It is interesting to me to sit back and count all my fears... You may say I am only afraid of death, or maybe being alone or even the dark. But when you really sit back and dive deeper into yourself you will find that every action you have made, every word that has come out of your mouth, was at some point touched by fear. When I reflect, I see it everywhere. The way my parents raised me, christian schooling and forced beliefs, the filled voids by past courage, the psychoanalysis of the way I react, and that even the smallest fear I had when I was 8 will forever affect me the decisions I make as an adult. I think present day, the fear of paying one bill too early because another may come, or giving up my work shift to go to a concert, the fear of speeding to get somewhere on time or the fear of maybe another human being not liking me... But the future is what I am most concerned about. The future is what we have most control over. Yes, our past and present decisions affect the future. Yes we must acknowledge this in order to create a stable future for ourselves... but could fear of the future be affecting our present day decisions that in turn hinder our future? This concern of mine, this is what causes me to make decisions like to call off to go to that concert, or to save up every penny I have to buy a ticket to Egypt, to buys books, sell those books so I can buy more books. To watch documentaries on my Saturday night off work, to go out on a Tuesday, to take a self defense class, to eat ice cream when all I want is ice cream. Fear cannot and will not be a factor in my future.

I want what is good and right in this world, which most have given up on before they are even introduced to the possibilities. Who says we have to always answer to someone? The world is a scary place, take a break from FOX news and its 24 hour feed of Lindsey Lohan and read the opinion column from small newspapers around the world. Gain some perspective. Get an idea, and do something. Life is not about being stuck in a monotonous trap where you do the same thing every week, you eat the same sandwich for lunch because you know it is good, you drink the same beer because you know it gets you drunk... Life is about taking and giving. Trying new and creating new. If you stick to the same comfortable routine, how can you possibly become innovative? Without that spark, how to you stay happy? Self-loathing is NOT happiness... it is a way to cope with "life."

I am blessed and cursed by being born and raised in America. Blessed in countless ways. I am more fortunate than most souls on this planet in the materialistic, human needs sort of way. But when it comes to developing a purpose, to becoming an adult and escaping that fear that children have engraved in them to keep them safe... well... This is where America lacks. Our system is flawed in ways that we become lost in our own belongings. We lose sight of what and who we are. Why we are..... How we are. There is no mark between child and adult. We have a drinking age that signifies respect... but then these children just get thrown into a vice in which they can justify not feeling a purpose, rather than having to go out and seek a purpose. And believe me, there is plenty to get done.

But don't listen to me, listen to Layla... she knows what is up.

Rain? I Can't Complain.

2010-07-18T22:38:00.000-07:00

Rain drops hurled themselves at my car as I squinted to see through the wet windshield. I haven’t seen or felt rain this angry in a while. I thought about pulling over; I don't really trust man-made objects in combatant with nature, but I continued to drive forward, into the storm, to visit my best friend and her family. I am not one to let my "environment" obstruct my goals. Vehement thunder and incensed lightening provided quite the soundtrack to my blurry vision. I thought about how dirty the streets were before the rain washed them clean. How cloudy my mind once was driving before I actually had to pay extreme attention to the road.

Fear can wake a person up. Fear can make a person hide. Fear can justify extremities, validate simplicity, or intensify curiosity. Many people on the road today acted differently to this fierce tsunami like storm. Some pulled off to the side of the road and waited for the rain to soften and the lightning to calm. Others drove the usual speed limit or faster to rebel against the weather. Some, like me, drove about 10 under the speed limit, and paid attention to our surroundings in order to reach our destination in a safe and timely manner. This reaction by people is not unique to this situation. I find in all my daily obstacles strangers react in one of 3 ways.

Rain is lovely to me. It is the substance in which life is created and maintained pouring down onto the filth and corruption we have created and maintained. A sense of renewal is brought with a storm like today. But it also showers onto the beauties of the world we have not yet succeeded in ruining. My hike through El Yunque in Puerto Rico revived this idea. The hike was long and hot, but so rewarding once I reached the top and drank fresh, clean, life giving rain water. It was at the top of the mountain, knee deep in rain water that I was able to appreciate everything my senses had just witnessed.

Nobody ever wants to get wet. Even me, today once I reached my destination, I sat in my car deciding whether or not I wanted to wait to get out and venture to the house. I looked in my mirror to see Sarah walking to my car with a huge umbrella and a relieved smile wiped across my face. My thoughts wrapped up while Sarah and I shared an umbrella and walked through the muddy puddles that were slowly draining into the sewer. After all, it is about appreciation and relationships with others who are also experiencing life…

Therapy

2010-07-12T21:36:00.000-07:00

The world got me down over the past 2 days.

People do this thing to me... this thing I say because no word can define. They break my heart, make me lose hope, and with this comes the drive- the motivation (inshalah).

I needed to cheer up, so I asked people to give me a word and I wrote a quick rhyme with the word.

Enjoy, or so I did.

2010-07-12T21:31:00.000-07:00

Shannon Is Always A Bit Deeper Than The Average Bear

2010-07-12T20:49:00.000-07:00

Sustenance.

Take a Chance
Learn to Belly Dance
Visit the Capital of France
Get lost in a Hypnotic Trance

There is more than what you see At First Glance
You dont have to stick to the same Ol Stance
Life sometimes is just a Game of Chance
Not just a line at the Cash Advance
You got to Break Dance!

Dont settle, or belittle your potential growth- its up to your maintenance- sustenence.

CUP

2010-07-12T20:30:00.000-07:00

Billy Gibson says, Cup
That's whats up!

I look to my pup

she is drinking tea from a cup

while watching the world cup...
nah, I give up

So He Is Impressed... Xylophone He Says... I Accept The Challange

2010-07-12T20:19:00.000-07:00

Xylophone!?!?!

Thats a tough one, lemme postpone

any plans I had of my own

Attack this word, I may need a wish bone

Lets pretend we live in Seirra Leone,

Just for a minute use your imagination like a stepping stone

we be living in a tropical zone

where there aint no rosseta stone

Good thing I got verizon with no Drop Zone,

Can you hear me now? i say on my new phone

Yea Nick, you hear my sassy tone?

now, I got to go take a vitamin, flintstone.

I Asked My New Roommate Nick To Give Me The First Word That Came To Mind...

2010-07-12T19:55:00.000-07:00

Canary!

You cant rhyme anything with canary!
Oh, but on the contrary!

Some may think I am a fairy,
but really I am just the niece of a lady named Sheri.
I have probably spent too much time in Lake Erie,
that nuclear waste is very scary
the type that makes the wrong genes marry
creating 3 eyed fish that the governement has to bury

Or maybe I am a saint like the virgin mary
this may make you feel a bit wary...
especially if I start speaking Azeri
Make you need a dictionary

Sometimes I feel like I reside in a prarie
drinking too much scotch like my boss Larry
starting to see things like tom and jerry
Somone call the doctor I am a bit too merry!

see nick.. my brain is anything but airy! HA!

Sweet Slumber

2010-07-10T22:23:00.000-07:00

It's late,
and I have to wake up early.
Move in to my new apartment,
is this my biggest problem?

It's late,
and I cant close my eyes.
There is too much avaliable for me to read,
is this my biggest problem?

It's late,
and I cant put my computer away,
Too many means of communication and information.
is this my biggest problem?

Freedom is my biggest problem? Taking the weight of the world and carrying it on my back? Hardly. I hardly do this at all. It is late, I should go to bed, I want to go to bed, but I need not. All of the above are my biggest problems, they create and at the same time destroy this reality in which I live. You too. So my friend, what are we do?

A Good Life Lived...

2010-07-10T21:40:00.000-07:00

There are days when the world simply breaks my heart. Days when I cannot stand the people on this planet, because they show very convincingly that they don't give a damn about anyone but themselves, or their class of people... whether it be blatant racism, or the sickening degradation of women, I have a hard time stomaching the injustice.

I had a conversation this morning about leading by example with someone I care about dearly. I stated all of my reasons for this view, and how it works, how it doesn't work etc etc... but as the day went on, I sunk deeper and deeper away from this enlightened point of view, and more towards indignant. I read news articles, experts from various books, watched the documentary "For Neda" and listened to my best friend and her brother recap what ended to be a horribly violent and racist filled evening for the two of them. I was not looking for the worlds evils, they crept up on me... in a way maybe, to remind me that they need attention, rather than an example. I lay here, with my mind flying through realms of thought, all negative and all sickening.

But like the conversation ended this morning... once one gives up on humanity, one gives up on oneself...

A quote that I read once by Friedrich Nietzsche is pacing through my brain..."No man lies so boldly as the man who is indignant."

...

2010-07-03T09:51:00.000-07:00

Life.
How it twists and turns

loops, and circles

jumps and bounces

hides and stalks

Never predictable

even when one may feel stagnant

it will sneak up on you

surprise you

jolt you

remind you who is boss

Oh how I love this elusive quest for the meaning of life...

the ride, so beautifully stunning

heart wrenching

utterly confusing

and for the ill hearted,

selfishly boring

Teetering

2010-06-28T22:04:00.000-07:00

I doubt everything. Why? I am not completely sure. Does this constant doubt bring about a pessimistic attitude? No, I don’t think so… but I do worry about it. Doubt could hinder my career possibilities, or stunt the growth of ideas… it could barricade love and slow down the process of creativity. Why would such a strong person let doubt bring them down? Or maybe it is being strong that creates the doubt… Knowing the appropriate time to let your guard down is not easy, but very necessary. A balance between being determined and conscious of the environment and its evils, and letting life fall into place ever so freely with a relaxed and trustworthy state of mind is something I am learning. Patience is helping me get through this, and in turn… helping me to trust.

Change Your Sheets Already!

2010-06-28T21:08:00.000-07:00

I read once that a messy bed is a sign that the owner‘s life is in need of some change. Well when climbing into bed tonight, I realized I have not made my bed in a week. What kind of change could my unconscious mind be yearning for? Could it be the lack of excitement in my life that is fueling this desire for change? Or am I thinking too much into this… one thing I know for sure, I need to make my bed.

I Just Wanna Be Successful...

2010-06-27T08:27:00.000-07:00

The older I get, the more I understand. This seems like an obvious statement, but I would disagree. I find it much easier to say, the older I get, the more confused I become. However, this confusion that I speak of is my understanding. Understanding that life is confusing, and understanding that it is only confusing because I seek to understand it. If I did not spend countless hours pondering, stretching my imagination, and deepening my knowledge, I would not be so confused about life. I would go day to day, following my same routine… feeling the same emotions, and never really understanding this beauty of confusion that I do now.

This leaves me in a strange state of mind. The acceptance of confusion as growth and understanding does something to the mind. We are taught our whole lives that confusion is the opposite of understanding, so does this mean that I am wrong? Or is it okay to explore new ideas, and break the bounds in which we are to live our lives?

I love growing up, I love learning, I love being confused. To me, stagnation is the most evil of all. As long as I continue to progress, and to become more and more “confused” about where I am going… I will be happy. And happy is the goal, right?

Back to the OLD Grind...

2010-06-23T06:46:00.000-07:00

Since I have been back, my mind has felt... a bit unbalanced. Which, if you know me well, you know this is very bad for me. I love balance, I prize feeling balanced, and I try to keep my life as balanced as possible. I have been analyzing my current thought process, and I am not quite sure what is wrong with me. I think I feel deprived of what I now know exists. Before I went to Jerusalem, I used certain vices to create a muse for myself... While traveling, I didnt need these vices... the material in which to think, write, read and analyze was never lacking. In fact, I couldnt find enough time to write everything that I was thinking and experiencing down. Now, being back to my old grind, I feel empty. I am not quite sure what to do with myself here. I wake up, with no real plan for the day. I dont feel that there is anything new for me to experience here. I suppose my attitude could change, with time... But I dont think it will. I always had a urge to travel the world, now that Ive had a taste, I feel addicted. How can I make this happen?

This is what 26 hours of traveling will do to ya...

2010-06-20T21:56:00.000-07:00

Travelling back to the states is so surreal. Leaving somewhere that you don’t feel ready to leave is a hard thing to do. This morning I got a cab at 3:15am to take me to the Tel Aviv Ben Gurion airport. It was about a 30 minute drive, with Celion Dion to keep us company. He drove the nicest cab I have ever been in, and also played the most love filled music I have ever heard in a cab. I watched the land pass me by, or the land watched me pass by rather, and I got a pit in my stomach. I will be back, Inshallah…
My experience at the Tel Aviv airport was in fact, perfect. At the time, I was angry, upset, and sad. I was put through humiliating security checks, and have never felt that helpless before. However, now that I am in the sky flying to Atlanta, thinking back, it was the perfect experience to leave Israel with. It left me with a feeling of indignation, with a reason to come back. The propaganda filled walls, and the unjustifiable searches filled my head with a new attitude, and my heart on fire. This, to me, is the reality that exists, and with that, I should experience and appreciateit.
The flight to Athens was full of very religious people. Most did not speak, but the man who sat next to me kept eye balling my book, “The Great War for Civilisation” by Robert Fisk. He was dressed in a long black robe with a head cover that had little gold crosses on it, and a long gold priestly looking necklace. He spoke very little English, I recognized him from my flight 2 weeks earlier from Athens to Tel Aviv. At the end of the flight, he turned to me, smiled genuinely, and told me to enjoy my stay, wherever I end up.
I don’t think I will ever be so happy to be in the Athens airport. It was familiar to me; I knew what I needed to do, and where I needed to go. I didn’t get searched, and I only got questioned once, and this was only because I was coming from Israel. The wifi limit still annoys me, however, but I will not be a downer about it since I did get to chat with some friends for 45 minutes while waiting to board my next flight.
Language is a funny to me. There are so many different tongues expressing the same emotions and thoughts. Over the last 9 hours I have been surrounded by many languages that are not my own. I have not had a travelling companion to speak with, and even the native English speakers that I have come across steer clear of me in fear that I do not speak English myself. But even when travelling in and through foreign countries, you will still come across that communal human language; body language. The lady sitting next to me for instance does not speak a lick of English, and I know about 4 Greek words. However, we are still able to communicate, almost intuitively with our body language. She speaks Greek, I speak English, and we almost know what each other are trying to say. The power of empathy towards the different really hit me when we were taking off and she started to cross her chest in a catholic religious manner. This told me, without any words at all, that she was praying for a safe landing, for all of us. I do wish, however, that we were able to communicate more effectively. I helped her fill out her customs declaration, in which the language barriers posed some problems.
10,000 meters high, I find this to be a good time to explain my love for my new besties. Who would have guessed that we all would have bonded so much in such a short time period- I mean I honestly did not expect that. In 10 days, we spend about 17 hours a day together, Caitlin and I spent about 23 hours a day together, and Ahmed spent every night with us. We all became best friends; shared secrets and stories about ourselves, and really watched each other grow. We experienced some intensity together, and spent the nights unwinding and reflecting. The last night, in Neve Shalom was so nice. I was leaving earlier than the rest of the group; my cab came at 3:15 am. The besties stayed up all night with me and we just talked and played silly games. I honestly, feel so lucky to have grown so close to strangers like that.
Caitlin, she stands up for what she feels is right. I haven’t met many people as strong willed as her. She took care of me, stood up for me, and still gave me lots of shit. Shannon, she has that musical soul. She genuinely cares about people living together harmoniously, and I know she will never end up behind a desk. Rachael's smile is contagious. Her passion to grow and travel will take her far. Noura, mama teddy bear. Such a sweet heart and a smart brain she possesses. Disciplined, but still knows how to laugh. Elizabeth, such a genuinely honest person, I admire her bursting truth with every emotion she admits. Anthony, a truly caring person who loves a Cuban cigar and a glass of red wine- he is so quick witted for growing up in such a small town! Meatball aka J, I love me some meatball! J, possesses this unique way of analyzing situations, and is probably one of the funniest people I know. Sarah, so quiet and nice, but sooooo damnnnn smarrrrrrt, girl, you amaze me. And Ahmed- cannot forget about our new Palestinian pal- you provided us with a whole new perspective, stuck up for us at the market store and your stories are ridiculous.
Dr. H, you provided us with the tools to create an opinion, never forcing your own on us. Thank you for setting up meetings with such interesting people, and taking our feedback about the trip seriously.
My friends back home, I know I have expressed this many times before, but none of this would have happened without you guys. Sincerely from the bottom of my heart, thank you and I love you. Hat night tomorrow night, I cannot wait to see you guys! Jet lag can kiss my beep!
I am actually excited to start school, even though it is going to be crazy this quarter. This trip fueled me with the motivation to finish up college and go into the world to do great things. Discipline and happiness are this summer’s theme; I plan on accomplishing a lot so that I am that much closer to what makes me happy- helping people by spreading the truth. The best weapon against the world’s evils is knowledge, and the ability to really think appropriately. If peace was easy, it wouldn’t be such a common word known in all languages.

"Have A Nice Flight"

2010-06-19T19:50:00.000-07:00

Its 5:30 am and I am sitting on the floor of the Tel Aviv Ben Gurion airport. I feel completely violated. I went through hell the last 2 hours trying to get where I am right now. My bags were searched four separate times. They went through every piece of my luggage, asked me questions that no one knows the answer to at 3 am- they threw away anything that rubbed them the wrong way. Each time they searched my bags; they took everything out and made me repack it… just to re-search it. They examined my books, asked why I was reading such material and what I knew about it… if it had anything to do with my visit to Israel, threw away a magazine, read every page of my journal; asked why I had Hebrew and Arabic written in it, or why I had certain entries… Asked if I spoke Arabic, or knew any Arabic words… made me explain where I went each day, if I ever left Jerusalem, why I came to the airport alone, threw my granola and protein bars away… made me take out every piece of electronics out so they could examine each separately… And after all that, they wouldn’t even let me carry one of my bags on. Hell.
2 hours of hell and I get through security. As I walk down the halls, I watch the walls. I study the posters, the images on them, and the slogans attached. I start to get sick to my stomach. Still, through security, I don’t feel safe. Maybe because after they searched me 3 times, they chased after me and searched me a 4th.
The last 10 days have been eye opening to say the least, and I suppose this experience is fitting.

I never thought I would say this in a million years… but I cannot wait to get to Athens!!! Hahahahaha :)

5 more minutes...

2010-06-17T23:10:00.000-07:00

I love it here, and I am not ready to leave...

I need to find a way back, soon.

Trapped in a Glass Case of Emotion

2010-06-16T14:02:00.000-07:00

Today was such a roller coaster of emotions for me.

My morning was great, Rachel and I sat at a remote table in the courtyard to share breakfast and coffee while enoying the view, and some time alone from the group. It was fun, happy times. We joked around, but also had some serious talk. I enjoyed it greatly.

We then met up with the group at 830 am and headed to the Holocaust Museum. This was intense for it was so depressing to see so much dehumanization, and then to sit and contemplate how this nation is now dehumanizing another group of people in order to secure their own spot under the sun. After we walked through, we all sat outside quietly and thought and wrote alone. It was a very deep moment for each of us...

How many lives must be sacrificed before we realize worth?

How many tears must be shed before we feel pain?

How many lessons must be taught before we understand?

How many questions must be asked before we get an answer?

I wrote this directly after finishing my self guided tour of the museum. I just see this plain as day, and I feel confused because people complicate everything. Why must we use stupid justifications to repeat evils we should have learned from? No matter the scale, knowledge and empathy towards humanity should never be disregarded.

After the museum, we traveled to Hebrew University to meet students who were also participating in The Jerusalem Project. We toured the campus, and sat in with their class. I was so nervous and anxious to speak that I was shaking uncontrollably. I faced my fears and felt courageous when I spoke to them, dialogue was produced. We spoke for an hour or so, shared some homemade desserts from the professor, and took a picture on the roof.

We grabbed some lunch a couple blocks away and the laughter had finally been restored. Lunch was good, except I accidentally got swordfish on Caitlin. I have been dubbed the messiest eater by my new friends. Awesome.

We met up with a old member of the project named Mordechai Zeller at the Zion Gate. He showed us around the Jewish quarter, and the Western Wall. Mordechai is such an interesting person, but he reminded me of a missionary Jew sort of. I felt the whole tour was an attempt to convert me to Judiasm, because he didnt want me to go to hell. It was... different. I felt, sane.

Each ofr us on this trip has had moments where we question EVERYTHING we know. Today I think, was one of those days for most everyone...

After dinner Ahmed from PYALARA came over and hung out in the courtyard with us, it was a splendid time as always. I love new friends. Relationships here seem to be growing so much stronger and faster than at home, this place is so intense... I love it.

Search for Inner Peace will Never Cease...

2010-06-14T10:03:00.000-07:00

I haven’t prayed in almost 10 years. I have had a problem with praying, because I have a problem with religion. People always say, you don’t need religion to pray… but they don’t understand where I am coming from. Even if you don’t follow religious rituals and rules, you are still identifying with a certain God that has been produced from a religion. Growing up, I have always found this hypocrisy with religion. I believed that dressing a certain way, or worshiping a “holy site” or even reading scripture did not bring one closer to God. I still believe this, and being here has enforced this belief even more. Today at the Church of Visitation, I felt for the first time in a decade the urge to pray, and I did. It brought me to tears because I finally found the answer to my frustration with spirituality and religion. People cling to the past, the known, to explain the unknown. This to me is backwards. Enlightenment, progression, edification all come from open mindedness, travel, free expression of self, language… these are the keys to finding my own inner peace with the world and its ills. I know for sure that I will never embrace or accept religion, I will never be convinced of its power to produce faith, but I am open to the spiritual connection that might come along with life experience. Every day I feel a new sense of reality, and meaning to be alive and to do good… Is that not that what religion is suppose to instill in its followers? Continual growth of my mind, body and spirit will further my path. People try to explain life rather than live it. Traveling to Jerusalem, the holy land, I have been able to witness the divine stories I have heard and read about. I went to that tomb Jesus walked out of, I felt the rock that Mohammed ascended from, and I stood on the ground the temple once stood on… I feel the holiness here; it is kept here by the people who walk these streets every day. It is impossible to come here and not to feel overwhelmed, but in a good way.
I still have 6 more days here, and I am sure more will change. These are just some thoughts from today.
Also, we visited the Sabreen studio today, freaking awesome.
Peace!

Jerusalem Syndrome

2010-06-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

The last two days have been so freaking busy it is unreal. Running on about 5 hours of sleep a night, we have covered the Old City like hummus on a pita. Every morning we wake up at 7 and have a delicious Middle Eastern breakfast.

Yesterday we met with Albert Aghazarian. He is one of the most amazing people I will probably ever meet. We met in his study in the morning, which in the Armenian quarter. We all talked, shared books and drank Arabic coffee, accompanied with cookies. Afterwards, he showed us around the entire Old City, and took us on a roof that overlooked everything. We visited the Church of Holy Sepulcher, which was insanely crowded with tourists that we could really enjoy it. Albert was an amazing guide to the city; he has been the most unbiased person I have heard speak about the city. "In the end, it is not abought having the promise land, but having a promising land..." And today we ran into him on the street, coincidentally, and he said "too much religion and not enough love." Brilliant man, I hope I get to see him again.
We had lunch with the Khattab Family Lunch in Beyt Tsaffa. WOW. The grandfather told us his story over the most delicious food I have ever had in my life. He brought everyone to tears, including himself. When he was 17 Jordan built a fence separating the village he lived in, and tearing his family apart. Him and his 10 year old sister we stuck on the Israeli side, while the rest of their family on the Jordan side. He spent 4o years struggling to regain his rites….
After lunch, we had another tour of the Old city. We take so many tours because it is impossible to find an unbiased guide. It is very interesting, and part of the ethnographic process, to analyze what each of them says while showing you the city. This particular guide was a little biased against Israel. I find the graffiti in the city to be most interesting, and the fact that the locals still use markets rather than grocery stores… I still haven’t really wrapped my head around that one. Once we got back to the hostel we met Naomi Chazan. She is another one of the most amazing people I will ever meet in my life. You should look her up, coolest lady ever. She grew up in Jerusalem, and now is a huge peace activist.

Today was absolutely mind blowing. We went to temple mount, and actually went INSIDE Dome of the Rock!!!! Seriously, non Muslims are not allowed in. Dr. H must know some very important people… The experience was beyond spiritual, this city is full of holiness, and we all officially have the “Jerusalem Syndrome.” This just means we are going crazy.

You Should Come Here Yourself...

2010-06-11T12:38:00.000-07:00

Its 11pm, do you know where your kids are?? Mom, I am in Jerusalem, on a patio, having a glass vino listening to the sounds of the city. I don’t know what kind of wine it is though, because the bottle is covered in Hebrew.
Today was beyond exhausting, we visited the West Bank… We drove through Israeli settlements, and a feeling of guilt overcame me. I don’t know why exactly, maybe because I understand the politics of it- and seeing it in person was overwhelming. To be honest, my words and pictures will never do this place justice. You should visit Israel and Palestine.
I have been lost in a weird dimension of thought today, and I am sure I will just delve deeper into it throughout my stay. Right now, I am conversating with my Jerusalem ladies and we are all in agreement about this. Our lives have all changed already. It’s been one day.
I am just in love with travel. I am so addicted.
PS: The Jewish market is insane on the Friday before Sabbath!

Let me add to this…. We went to an awesome Armenian restaurant for lunch, the food was fantastic. I love it here because they always offer tea or Arabic coffee after meals. PS, Arabic coffee is very distinct; it is thick and most of the time very sweet. Our waiters were some hotties, like every other freakin’ guy here. Sheesh!
After lunch we toured an old Jewish neighborhood and the Jewish market. The market was insane because it was the Friday before Shabbat, and everyone was stocking up before the Ultra Orthodox fellows blew their horns at venders to shut down. It was a whirlind, but we got the number one ice cream in Israel while we went through the chaos. I got cheese and red berries, so yummy. But I couldn’t help but be distracted while enjoying my ice cream by the civilian teenagers who were carrying around massive guns like it was a shopping bag. How is this okay? It is hard for me to photograph this, purely out of fear. I did get some video however.
We went back to the hostel and got some dinner. After dinner and showers the girls and I got a bottle of wine and sat in the courtyard. We shared stories and secrets, really got to know one another. It is so cool to make new lifelong friends. I really love these ladies, we are creating memories that will never be eroded.

New Friends Experiencing Ancient History

2010-06-10T14:21:00.000-07:00

2:15 am, flying out of Athina and into Tel Aviv. The red eye flight has an interesting group of passengers, all of which are not from America besides me and 3 others. I get lucky and have a whole row of seats to myself, which is great because I needed (and still do need) the sleep. I started to get comfortable when a head pops up from behind me.

“You know why this flight is so late?”

“Uh, no.”

I lay back down and start to doze off, but not for long. These crazy Greeks wanted to feed me breakfast. It’s a 2 hour (if that) flight at 2:30 am! Eggs, hash browns, yogurt and tea is served, and I must admit it was the best food I had eaten in two days. By the time I was finished the flight was about half over. I turned around and tapped the American who bothered me earlier and asked him if he knew about the Tel Aviv Beach. I had more than 12 hours to kill at the airport and was hoping it was close. This sparked a conversation in which he felt the need to climb over the seat and sit next to me. The rest of the flight we talked about history, psychology, dreams, rationality, languages, traveling… pretty much anything you could think of.

“By the way, what’s your name?”

“John.”

“I’m Jenna, pleasure.”

Once we landed, I met his two friends that were on the back of the plane once in the airport. Trey, a minister for a college in Greece, and Josh who is a high school Spanish teacher in Texas. Lovely guys, I felt at ease for once with strangers 10,000 miles from home. We went to passport control together, and after some hassling, from both French vacationers who were obnoxioulsy hitting on me and the Israeli security, I got through and into Israel. I left my new friends, and went in search of an ATM and coffee. I knew I had a long wait ahead of me, so WiFi, a map and money were oh so necessary. After a bit of wandering, I find the ATM, and what do you know my American friends are there! I tell them about my wait, and they tell me that I am silly and that they would gladly split a cab with me. Awesome possum, then I could drop my bags off at the hostel and roam the streets of Jerusalem instead of the airport, which was such an uncomfortable place.

You would think a cabbie in a small place like Israel would know the hotels, but Jerusalem is such a maze, even to the locals. After a lot of searching, we find my hostel and see that it is 2 blocks from their hotel! It is 5 am, none of us can check in yet. We walk up to the gate to get into the guesthouse I am staying at and meet Alfred, he lives and sleeps at the gate to this hostel. He is one of the nicest most genuine people I have ever met and his daughters name in Jenna too! He tells me that Jenna means "a little piece of heaven" in Arabic, and allows us to all stow our luggage in a spare room. We decide to try to find something to eat, but Alfred tells us we will not be able to because nothing is open this early.

We start walking towards the Old City of Jerusalem, the streets are silent and the weather is ideal. He was right, not a shop or café was open. The only people out, were religious persons praying or singing and the Israeli army patrolling. I took video as we walked through the old city and through a checkpoint where we had our bags checked and walked through a metal detector. I found it interesting to witness a orthodox Jew walk next to the detector and nobody said a word to him. We made our way to the western wall, which is unexplainable. Women are not allowed near the wall, so I wrote down a prayer and gave it to John, who smuggled it into a cozy place where it will forever stay.

The old city of Jerusalem at 5 am is something most people will never see.

I very much enjoyed traveling the country with John, Trey and Josh because they are history buffs like me. We walked and talked; exchanging facts and legends, putting pieces together and making memories. After a couple hours in the city, hunger was starting to win the battle. We headed to the YMCA for brunch. Such good food!! We ate from a huge selection of cheeses, vegetables, fruits, breads, meats, olives and beans. Fresh squeezed orange juice and delicious coffee to wash it down. Feeling glorious, we headed back to the hostel to meet up with their friend Jeff, who was staying with a friend the night before in Jerusalem. Jeff is a recent grad from Texas, and begged us to go to Masada. Masada was a topic during our brunch, the history there is ridiculous, and we all wanted to go.

http://www.israelnewsagency.com/massadamasadaisraelpalestine481021.html

It also worked out perfectly because I really wanted to swim in the Dead Sea, which Masada overlooks. Trey negotiates with Hani, a Palestinian cab driver on the flat rate for the afternoon in which he would take us to Masada then the Dead Sea and give us plenty of time to enjoy ourselves. After about 30 mins, we freshen up and head to the desert.

The drive to Masada was breath taking. The desert on my right, and the Dead Sea and Jordan to my left; camels freely strolling through the mountainous sands and date trees offer some vegetation to the scenery. Masada was an amazing site to walk through, I let my hand follow the walls and lead me to the next room. The view from the top, overlooking the desert, the Dead Sea and Jordan was spectacular.

The sun was starting to get to us all, and swimming sounded even more appealing. We met up with Hani and headed to the beach. My experience at the Dead Sea is too wonderful for words. The water is so dense and full of salt that you literally float on it. We covered ourselves with mud like the locals, and floated on our backs for what seemed like a life time. I have never been in this state of mind, sure the lack of sleep and desert heat probably had something to do with this… but dude! We were floating! After we showered the mud and salt off, we grabbed a chair on the beach and had a Hebrew beer before heading back to Jerusalem.

I passed out on the way back, but woke up as we were driving through a check point. It is so weird, but I am already starting to get used to these. The young guards sit in the shade with their massive guns up against the wall and stare you down as you pass by.

I tell the boys bye, and that I will see them tomorrow. The walk back to my hostel was hot, and I was close to dehydrating. I got lost for about 15 minutes, it was now 5 aclock and the traffic was buzzing past me as I tried to remember landmarks. I walk past this obviously American tourist and ask her is she speaks English, I never assume. She is explains to me that she too is lost and is desperate to find her way back to her hotel. The name rang a bell to me and I told her to tag a long with me and I would surely be able to help her. 10 long, hot minutes pass by and I find her hotel and also my hostel. Alfred greeted me at the gate and showed me to my room which was now ready. He calls me his daughter, we have a special bond.

Shower, then passed out.

I wake up to a banging on the door… It is my roommate Caitlin! The rest of the group has finally made it! I jump out of bed way too fast and almost fall down getting to the door. We head to the courtyard of the hostel for some dinner and a briefing. I just cannot believe this journey; I cannot wait to wake up in the morning.

Noura, a graduate student who came with us, was held up at the passport control for over 2 hours because she is Palestinian. We had an emotional discussion after dinner, and decided on a time to meet in the morning to tour with the Ir Amam. After dinner, Caitlin, Shannon, Rachael and I explored the hotel and surrounding area. These next ten days will change my life like the last two have, I have no idea what to expect…

Lions, Tigers and Snoring Greeks! Oh My!

2010-06-09T14:05:00.000-07:00

I didn’t really know what to expect from Greece. I really don’t know all that much Greek history, culture or the language. I really only know like 3 words, ne-yes ti-what and poo-where. This would not get me anywhere. I also did not realize that I look like I could be from Greece. A red flag should have went up in Atlanta, when an old Greek woman was screaming at me,
“poo pas!?!?!? Poo pas!?!?!”
Some more greek I have no idea what she was hollerin’ about… so I looked at her and said
“milate anglika?” “do you speak English?”
She busted out laughing, absolutely hysterically, for like 2 minutes without taking a breath. Then continues to try to have a conversation with me… I just nod my head,
“ne, ne, ne… “
she keeps yelling “Poo!” at me, which I found funny…
“Poo?? Athina??”
“ne, Athina then Tel Aviv.”
She frowns, “Ohhh… Israel?”
“Ne.”
The conversation stops.
Once on the plane, I am surrounded by a Greek family, the dad sitting next to me. They even had their dog, Hercules, who pooped all over himself in flight. Appropriate, I thought. This man, I never caught his name, reminded me so much of Jose Cannon. The Greek version of Joe! Haha! His mannerisms’ and conversation entertained me for a while, until he fell asleep and this obnoxious snore roared out of him like a monster was trying to escape. He was a large man, and took up quite a bit of room, needless to say, I didn’t get much sleep. Maybe 20 minutes…
Once in Athina, I told my new Greek family goodbye, as they had to go give Hercules a bath right away. They offered me a ride to the Parthenon, but I preferred taking the Metro. I exchanged 40 dollars for 26 euro, checked my bag at the counter (5 euro) and purchased a day pass for the subway (8 euro). The Athens metro was very easy to figure out, the only problem I would run into is people trying to small talk with me. Unapproachable apparently is not my best look.
I got off at Monastiraki which was the 14th stop after the airport. Once above ground, I felt like I was in a Greek NYC. The beautiful sounds of violins and flutes filled the air, combating with the loudness of the people and vehicles. There is no such thing as traffic laws in Athens. Wow. Mopeds, vespas, cars, busses, and people all fought to get poo (where J) they were going. I adapted quickly, and almost got ran over by a bus. One thing I could not help but notice was the ridiculously good looking police force. They would stand in groups, texting, on the corner of streets. People text as much here as they do in Amerrrica. I got lunch at a quaint café on the street. My server, very handsome, and very polite, brings me extra espresso (I must have seemed out of it) and a delicious vegetarian Greek sandwich. I ate and did some work on my computer until it died. I then walked around for a couple hours, through some historical sites, the market, and the flea market. But my favorite part of the afternoon was simply lying on this wooden box thing, looking at Acropolis from a distance. This is where I would meet my new Greek teenage friends; Johny Papas, Iwanna Tsoub and George Tsoub. Johny came up to me and told me what I was lying on was filthy, I told him I didn’t care. I think they took a liking to me then. They sat down next to me and started to probe. Johny translated most of the conversation, Iwanna tried to speak English, and she taught me some Greek.
“Where are you from? England?”
“No, America.”
“Wow, America?? Where exactly in America??”
“Ohio.”
“Oh, in the south eh?”
“haha, no, in the north actually.”
“What’s Alabama like? I have heard good things.”
“I actually used to live in Alabama! It is nice, but I think the north is nicer, besides the weather.”
This intrigued them; we talked about weather, climate and education from here.
“It is so nice to speak English”, Johny sounded very relieved, “I hate the Greek language. I want to study economics when I get out of high school, but I think I would like to study in England.”
“I study economics! How do you feel about what’s going on in Greece right now?”
Iwanna looks at me and says,” I don’t understand.” Johny translates for her, and she responds,
“Oh! I want to be a kindergarten teacher!” lowers he hand to demonstrate a small person. “Little ones! And I LOVE Obama!”
Johny chimes in “Ya! We all love Obama! Has he changed anything where you live?”
“Yes, he has changed everything. What makes you guys love Obama?”
George doesn’t know any English, but he is nodding his head in approval as Johny tells him what is going on.
“Vision.”
“Yes, he has a vision.” Johny agrees.
At this point we get interrupted by a drunken thief asking if we wanted to buy a brand new “HP.”
“A laptop?”
“Yessssss, an HP! Hey, where are you from? Italy? Britain? Not here, you don’t speak Greek! But you do look Greek!”
Iwanna gives me a look. Johny puts his hand up and whispers, “he’s drunk.”
“America, ever heard of it?”
“HA! America!? What part!? F*ck America!!!!!!!!!”
We try to continue our conversation about politics and economics, but he just continues to scream how much he hates America, and hates Obama, and f*cks every American because they want it. Thankfully, the weather is as temperamental as the Greek citizens and it starts raining out of nowhere. The teens and I exchanged information and I headed for the metro.
I made sure the drunkard wasn’t following me by making some sharp turns, and again almost getting hit by a bus. The metro ride back was not fun. I started to feel overwhelmingly exhausted from not sleeping the night before, and the jet lag of 16 hours of flying. I put my foot on my seat to use my knee to keep my head from falling. This was apparently a horrible idea. I closed my eyes, I knew I had about 25 more minutes on the metro before my stop. This woman who was reading the paper sees my shoe on the seat and looses it!
“Insert loud angry Greek words here.”
Disillusioned, I just stare at her, not knowing how to respond. Searching for the words in any language, my mouth is not working. This seems like I am disrespecting her, she is still screaming and the lady to her right joins in. I realized what they are mad about and put my foot back on the ground, this silenced them immediately. I looked up and said “No hablo Greek.” Then close my eyes and put my head against the window. They begin to talk very rapidly. I couldn’t catch one word, but I sure did piss them off.
My plans were to catch the metro to another part of town, but at this point I felt battered and very tired. I needed sleep, my body was shutting down. I got off at the airport stop and picked up my bags and printed my boarding pass. I planned on napping, then grabbing dinner and shopping a little bit since my flight was not until 2:15 AM, and I told Roxanne I would buy her a Greek scarf. I napped on a bench using my bags as a pillow, and my scarves as a blanket. I woke up feeling much better, and ready to try Athina out again. But this was not in my cards. You see, once you get your passport stamped to leave the country, they don’t let you back in unless you fly back in. Yes, another argument occurred after my nap when I went in search for dinner and WiFi.
“So you are telling me I am stuck in this terminal until my plane leaves?”
“Yes.”
“Awesome, is there any food or internet?”
“No. you shouldn’t have gone through the passport check point.”
“My bad.”
At this point I had been through Greece’s security check twice; the boys there were feeling comfortable with me and laughing it up. One asked if he could go to Tel Aviv with me because he hates being stuck in Greece. I don’t blame him, no matter where you are, you hear the sounds of the violin… which after awhile, gives the atmosphere a very gloomy feel to it.
I roamed the terminal, feeling alone and bored. One nice thing about Athina is bottled water is only ,50 eruo, and there is a plethora of recycling bins, I’m on my 3rd bottle of water. I needed to find an outlet to charge my computer, but they sure are scarce. I FINALLY found one, and almost passed out with glee. I figured out my adapter, and here I am, sitting at an empty gate, snacking on peanuts and reminiscing. Still no WiFi.
Have love, will travel.

Creating Yourself.

2010-05-03T13:01:00.000-07:00

http://www.alternativesmagazine.com/36/koven.html

http://www.alternativesmagazine.com/52/villoldo.html

New Endeavor

2010-03-02T17:35:00.000-08:00

I am reaching this point in my life where I need to either go big or go home. Peek years, not based on societal norms, but by my own souls yearning. Something from within is trying to break free. I think this must happen to everyone, some are just better at ignoring the voice from within. I listen to my inner self, which sometimes makes me seem indecisive or maybe a little too idealistic, but it is still me. Through meditation and a mantra I borrowed from a friend I found an energy to stay in school, for now. I recently felt that I had gotten all I could from school, I have learned a lot these last 5 years, but there is still more opportunity there. I see this opportunity unfold right before my eyes within a matter of 36 hours. Right as I had started to give up on this educational system, something presented itself to me.

Now, normally, I would give up on this right after I got my hopes up. Anything that costs money seems only a dream to me. But luckily, I have matured these last few years to the thought that I can do whatever I strive to do. My best friend fuels these desires with options, ideas, and a valid opinion. This combined with a push from the universe and I really feel that I can make it a reality.

So here I go, lets try at least. I have been asked to join a selected group of 8 students to study in Jerusalem, Isreal. Each student is studying something different, yet we are studying as a group. This is possible in Jerusalem, so full of culture and diversity. I will be practicing photography and journalism, I will be the only student studying either of these things. This tour is so unique in that way, it really creates a niche for me that I would never normally be able to encounter. I will come home with an intense and strong portfolio, and a new way of thinking. I cannot even imagine what it will feel like to walk the streets of a city I have heard about since childhood.

Livin' The Good Life

2010-02-22T19:54:00.000-08:00

It is easy to let the cold winter months get the best of you. I know I have recently. It is important to keep yourself grounded and centered, getting swept up by life conditions is the easy path. Frustration, anxiety and self loath are easy emotions to feel. I found myself recently getting swept up by outside forces, forces that are really not that strong in their entirety. I had to remind myself, what real life is. What real frustration feels like. The path to my re-awakening started with a link sent to me by my friend Brownski.
http://www.worldpressphoto.org/index.php?option=com_photogallery&task=view&id=1730&Itemid=257&type=&selectedIndex=11&bandwidth=high
I looked through these amazing, eye opening photos and was taken back by how selfish I had become. Me, me, me. haha, funny how easy it is to slip away from reality.

Next, I started reading some magazines and flipped through some books I have about developing countries. My heart hurts for this world sometimes, but educating myself along with the growth of the Internet fuels my desire even more. Globalization and technology have both expanded and deadened our consciouses. With articles, stats, pictures and videos I can see and almost feel the other side of the world. But still cannot find the best way to impact it in a positive and driving way.

Tonight I watched the documentary The Reporter, it is about Nicholas Kristof. He is my personal hero, and watching this film inspired me again. The hope I had lost came back through his experiences and compassion. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSsHMSuX6t0

This documentary is on HBO on demand right now, I urge ya to check it out.

If it inspires you, maybe we can talk. In the mean time, check out my Skreened store, all the profits go to Kiva.org

Never heard of Kiva? Check it out!!

http://skreened.com/ducksauce/livin-the-good-life

2010-02-17T16:47:00.000-08:00

Portrait of a Culture
For this project, I really wanted to step outside my comfort zone. Exploring the world of photography has really helped me broaden my horizons. Last weekend I visited The Easy Riders Convention at Vets Memorial. When I first walked in, I was a bit overwhelmed. I walked around clueless until I finally worked up the courage to ask my first sitter to take a picture. The more pictures I got, the more comfortable I felt. After about 20 minutes of wandering around I came across Rich “The Lube Guy” from Quaker Steak and Lube. I got to talking with him, and he took a liking to me. He told me,” I studied Art back in the day, back when a 4 finger bag of weed was 15 bucks. You know dear, we didn’t have scales back then.” I decided I liked him too. The rest of the show, he escorted me around and introduced me to everyone! I quickly went from lost college student to VIP photographer from The Ohio State University. I am very satisfied with the outcome of this project because I ended up capturing an entire culture. At the end of the day, I asked Rich “The Lube Guy” what one word he would use to label his people. His reply, “There isn’t one word, all I can tell ya is, don’t let the gift wrap fool ya.”

Easy Rider

2010-02-15T15:20:00.001-08:00

Click here to view these pictures larger

From my book, "America The Great, Where You Can Choose Your Own Fate."

2010-02-12T11:06:00.003-08:00

Click here to view these pictures larger

PORTRAITS

2010-02-12T11:06:00.001-08:00

Click here to view these pictures larger

2010-02-12T10:42:00.001-08:00

On that griiiiiind, yo.

2010-02-12T10:00:00.001-08:00

http://www.etsy.com/shop/jennacarelly?ga_search_query=jennacarelly&ga_search_type=seller_usernames

So, I am really on my grind lately. By this I mean, makin' sh*t happen!
With this comes anxiety. So many deadlines, projects etc... and I need to work at the bar just to make ends meet. Hopefully i can catch my breath soon. In the meantime, check out my etsy, it is a work in progress! I'd love feedback!

This is a creative endeavor

2010-02-08T18:54:00.000-08:00

Last week my friend Joe attempted something extremely ballsy, stand up comedy. Yes he lost a bet, but boy did he rock it. It made me think, could I do that? I dont think so. Imagine yourself, center stage with a group of your peers expecting to laugh. Frightful. I am very proud of him for doing this, and I hope he does it again.

As for me, Ill stick to my own unique creative endeavor... stay posted.