Painting For BooGoo

President Obama,

I'm writing you this letter
becuase I feel I really need to warn ya.
You see- I am having these issues with my Fincaial Aid,
I am starting to feel a bit afraid.
My taxes, I did not evade,
I always get a good grade,
I am definetly not overpaid,
I am just tryin' to study for my trade!

What I am told the problem is,
Seems to be out of the hands of this WHIZ.
My moms new husbands income is affecting me,
The injustice here, you will soon agree.
I havent lived with my mom in over 6 years,
I am old enough now to sling back a few beers.
I have been putting myself through college,
Tryin' to build up my knowledge.
I take every opportunity
To positively
Impact the community,
Spreadin' peace n' love,
But still I fall short of-

This system is holding me down,
I'm just tryn' not to drown,
In debt,
Or regret...

I'm just a little confused,
I thought this nation laid down the right foundation,
So that students like me could recieve an education,
While big time CEO's took a vacation.
But it seems I have been played,
I can't help but to feel betrayed.
I thought you said FAFSA would be simplified,
But the other day I cried...

No money for the Independent,
Maybe I'll just drop out and be a flight attendent.
But we can't even fuel the airplanes,
All the money is going to political campaigns,
Providing solutions to this Sh*t,
But you know it aint Legit.

I guess all I really want to say,
And I know it sounds a bit cliche.
But I just got to get it off my chest,
I am super stressed,
And not very impressed.
But just incase this letter is a success,
Send a check to the return address.
:)

Bests,

A Regular Girl From The Midwest

What Are We Not Accounting For?

Truth... what would we do without it? Live in Bliss? Or live with false Hatred?

When something one once thought was the truth is debunked so elegantly, how does one cope?

The Anniversary of 9/11 is coming up rather quickly.  In preparation for mourning, one must understand what exactly they are sad about.  Lost lives is only the brink of my heart break when it comes to 9/11.  9 years after the tragedy, questions still pour through my mind. How could our sufficient government and military let something like this occur? Why would anyone want to harm lives of innocent people? What could motivate such an act? When will people not be okay with the shady story that is written in the history books?

I stumbled upon many documentaries made by people like me who had the thirst for the truth, my thirst has never, in 9 years, been quenched.  Conspiracy theories to "facts", I still did not understand the answers to my questions.  9 years since the tragedy that claimed roughly 2,976 lives on that day, and still it is affecting the lives of many innocent beings today.

I recently found a documentary made by Dylan Avery, a 26 year old guy from NY, that changed my perspective entirely.  I encourage all that mourn the lives lost on 9/11/2001 to educate themselves further on what exactly happened on that day. 

It is up to us to write history, it is up to us to shape society.  We do NOT have to stand by and watch hatred spread, or settle for what is spoon fed to us.  It is up to us and only us to find the truth.  Please do not settle for what you are told, don't listen to me, don't listen to Dylan Avery, look, find, examine, and develop.  ONLY then will those lost lives be avenged.




http://www.loosechange911.com/

Flight 2026

I hate flying on a rainy day. I don’t think I should test mother nature, how bold am I? Who says I need to get to Atlanta right now. Flight 2026, we are ready for take off… Reading in turbulence, hung over as all hell, is a sure trip to the airplane bathroom. Even if I was able to read right now, I didn’t bring the most appropriately titled book for public. Or is it? The nice lady next to me would surely be offended. Or, maybe, she is so caught up in her own world that she wouldn’t even notice a little swear word.




Oh thank God, the fasten seat belt sign just turned off. Lordy Lordy, we are safe.



.Life has a funny way of waking you up when you become swept up by its conditions. If the smaller, subtle wake up calls fail, then mother nature will give you a slap. And if that doesn’t work? A freak accident will take care of you. I cant help but feel like a dumbass after the last few weeks of wake up calls. You know the saying, “when it rains, it pours?” Ya, how about wake the hell up and appreciate life. It isn’t a guarantee, you know. YOU are NOT invincible.



Oh great, “Folks we’re a little choppy, Im guna hafta turn the ’fasten seatbelts’ sign back on and ask you return to your seats.”



People just get used to living, and they forget to live. It becomes habit, monotonous, go with the motions and you’ll be safe. Why not take chances, risk having a better, happy life. Fear fuels stagnation.



I am victim to my own fears. A leap requires courage. Two years ago when I decided I wanted to jump off a cliff, into a lake, I swallowed my fears and leaped. Risked my life for a little adrenaline. But it wasn’t the adrenaline I wanted, what I wanted was to overcome myself. Take control over my body, and feel the world I lived in.



Deep breath, look over the edge and watch little stones trickle down with gravity and hit the water.

Splash.

Deep breath, assure my doubt that I am jumping no matter what it is says.

Walk back to get a running start, kick off my sandals.

Deep breath, stop thinking and just run already!

Mind goes blank, I run as fast as I can… My feet touch the edge of the cliff, my muscles react without orders and I jump.

OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO FUCKING DIE. The only thought running through my head as my brain suffers momentarily from lack of oxygen. Free falling is a great wake up call. Hello? Yes this is she. I’m alive? This isn’t the Truman Show? Wow, well… thank you! Talk to you later, bye.

My body hit the water.

Splash.

I sink to the bottom, and realize I need to swim now. I come up for air with a huge smile and gasp for oxygen.

OH MY GOD I AM FUCKNG ALIVE.



One thing I am sure of in life is that children will always seek validation from their parents. I feel bad for parents, they have a tough job, and I think we are most often too hard on them. I cant tell you how much our parents come up in discussion, even as adults, we still focus so much energy on pleasing them… or criticizing them.



The other day I smoked a cigarette in front of my father. It was my 23rd birthday and I was feeling liberated. The first birthday I had spent with my dad in 6 years, and I wanted to show him how alive I am.

Look what I can do, I can kill myself slowly if I want to.

He didn’t say a word about it, just continued our conversation like I wasn’t inhaling toxic chemicals. Even as adults, we cry out to out parents for attention, and even as adults, we have a hard time coping with the absence of change in our parents. I didn’t even want the cigarette, I wanted a reaction. A reaction I got, apathy.



Apathy. What a hell of a reaction. So bold are the ignorant that they feel so entitled to be apathetic. Why do YOU get to be the apathetic soul, why do I have to care what happens to you. You don’t care about me, so why must I have my heart hurt when you hurt?



But in all honesty, I would rather be me. I would rather have the constant reminder that I am alive when I feel my heart break for a stranger. I would rather feel vulnerable to a man who 10,000 miles away from me, than settle for the comfort and safety of a man who lives next door. Id rather get angry when I read about the pain a child has to go through, than look right past their tears. Id rather cry everyday for every woman than to feel empty. Plain. Bored. Pointless. Heartless.



The only thing I need in

life is purpose.



Ah, tomato juice. Old faithful. My staple diet while traveling, what would I do without your nourishment. Mmmmm.



I do suggest tomato juice when you fly, it is delicious, filling, healthy… BUT it is red. Seconds after I put my computer away, following orders, I spilled my glass of juice on my lap. I started to laugh, the lady next to me started to laugh too. It was funny. At least I had time to change clothes on my layover.



Coincidentally, after I put my computer away I had a conversation with the lady next to me about fear and life. She told me she was going to Italy with her daughter, and she loves to travel, but her husband wont leave the country. He is too afraid to experience the world. She let me in on a little secret, she was afraid to travel alone. This was the first flight she had every flown on by herself. She pulled her ticket out and asked if she had enough time to get to her connecting flight and seemed a bit panicked. I assured her she would have a solid 40 minutes to get to Terminal E, the International Terminal. I told her it was a very nice terminal, they even played piano in the cafeteria, but she wouldn’t have enough time to enjoy it as much as I did. She laughed and eased up a little. She asked if the train to take her to the terminal was far. I smiled and replied that I had a two hour layover so I would be more than happy to show her the way to her flight.



We got off the plane and she immediately lets me know she is following me. I laughed and said I know! Once we get her to her flight, she gave me a big hug and thanked me. I told her to have a WONDERFUL time in Italy, enjoy every minute of it.

I never even got her name.



My lay over was perfect, I had just enough time to change my clothes, wash my face, grab a bottle of water and chat with Ahmed. We talked about Ramadan, and how it is so lovely because it really allows a person to take a breath and realize what is important in life. People spend time with their families and really re-connect with the important aspects of living. Something like Ramadan needs to be practiced all over the world. I think everybody needs to take a step back from their day to day routines and re-evaluate what the hell they have been doing.



My vacation to South Florida with Sarah was a chance for us to both re-evaluate life, and develop a new perspective about how we are living it. The first day in Sunny Isles, we got into a car accident. Everyone involved walked away from it with just a few scratches, but the rental car was done for. You ever have one of those surreal experiences where time is in slow motion and you cant hear a single sound? Where you are moving, but you don’t know what exactly you are moving towards? Where a car window shatters next to your best friend and all you can do is cover your face… well, I had one of these moments. Driving in South Beach is a risk. Driving in South Beach with a Prius, even bigger risk. Blind spots are no joke.



I was parking, I abruptly switched lanes to do so, I checked my mirrors, and turned right. Next thing I know, I am outside of the car pacing around a Spanish-speaking motorcyclist whose arm wont stop bleeding, listening to a man calling 911, and thinking one simple thought, “Is this REALLY happening?“ Sarah, still in the car, speechless. How exactly it happened, I am still not quite sure. He drove right into the side of our car and his arm took out the window. He wasn’t wearing a helmet, and he didn’t die.



I paced.



And paced.



And paced.



Life is too short to dwell on its conditions. Life is too unpredictable to be so sure. So now, when I walk away from this accident, neck deep in debt and worry, am I able to not dwell?



We had a good time in South Florida regardless. We went for a walk a few hours after, and ended up at an Italian restaurant. We decided to share a bowl of pasta and a bottle of Malbec. The server brought out the bottle and wished us health and money before our first sip.

We toasted.



Health and Money.

Process

The Process that comes with making Art is why I love Art.  I hardly care for the final piece, and I miss making it.  I miss the flow of ideas, the connections my mind makes while compiling the never ending ideas... Sometimes I will make more than one piece of art at a time... sometimes I never finish the art, and maybe that is finished to me.  Anywho, my friend Shannon requested I put these pictures up the other day, so here they are... The Process of My Layers Piece, Jerusalem.

^This picture makes me laugh becuase my shirt is flipped up, something I do often when at home...

I needed COLOR, next painting to relieve my eyes!

The End.

Layla's Advice On Life...

It is funny how much one little inkling of anxiety, one little tug at the tummy... one little ounce of fear can shape and transform a being.  Fear commands even the strongest to lay down and tremble.  Fear can make even the most determined take a break from their high stride.  It is interesting to me to sit back and count all my fears... You may say I am only afraid of death, or maybe being alone or even the dark.  But when you really sit back and dive deeper into yourself you will find that every action you have made, every word that has come out of your mouth, was at some point touched by fear.  When I reflect, I see it everywhere. The way my parents raised me, christian schooling and forced beliefs, the filled voids by past courage, the psychoanalysis of the way I react, and that even the smallest fear I had when I was 8 will forever affect me the decisions I make as an adult.  I think present day, the fear of paying one bill too early because another may come, or giving up my work shift to go to a concert, the fear of speeding to get somewhere on time or the fear of maybe another human being not liking me... But the future is what I am most concerned about.  The future is what we have most control over.  Yes, our past and present decisions affect the future.  Yes we must acknowledge this in order to create a stable future for ourselves... but could fear of the future be affecting our present day decisions that in turn hinder our future?  This concern of mine, this is what causes me to make decisions like to call off to go to that concert, or to save up every penny I have to buy a ticket to Egypt, to buys books, sell those books so I can buy more books.  To watch documentaries on my Saturday night off work, to go out on a Tuesday, to take a self defense class, to eat ice cream when all I want is ice cream.  Fear cannot and will not be a factor in my future.

 I want what is good and right in this world, which most have given up on before they are even introduced to the possibilities.  Who says we have to always answer to someone?  The world is a scary place, take a break from FOX news and its 24 hour feed of Lindsey Lohan and read the opinion column from small newspapers around the world.  Gain some perspective.  Get an idea, and do something.  Life is not about being stuck in a monotonous trap where you do the same thing every week, you eat the same sandwich for lunch because you know it is good, you drink the same beer because you know it gets you drunk... Life is about taking and giving.  Trying new and creating new.  If you stick to the same comfortable routine, how can you possibly become innovative?  Without that spark, how to you stay happy? Self-loathing is NOT happiness... it is a way to cope with "life."

I am blessed and cursed by being born and raised in America.  Blessed in countless ways.  I am more fortunate than most souls on this planet in the materialistic, human needs sort of way.  But when it comes to developing a purpose, to becoming an adult and escaping that fear that children have engraved in them to keep them safe... well... This is where America lacks.  Our system is flawed in ways that we become lost in our own belongings.  We lose sight of what and who we are.  Why we are..... How we are.  There is no mark between child and adult.  We have a drinking age that signifies respect... but then these children just get thrown into a vice in which they can justify not feeling a purpose, rather than having to go out and seek a purpose.  And believe me, there is plenty to get done.

But don't listen to me, listen to Layla... she knows what is up.

Rain? I Can't Complain.

Rain drops hurled themselves at my car as I squinted to see through the wet windshield. I haven’t seen or felt rain this angry in a while. I thought about pulling over; I don't really trust man-made objects in combatant with nature, but I continued to drive forward, into the storm, to visit my best friend and her family. I am not one to let my "environment" obstruct my goals. Vehement thunder and incensed lightening provided quite the soundtrack to my blurry vision. I thought about how dirty the streets were before the rain washed them clean. How cloudy my mind once was driving before I actually had to pay extreme attention to the road.

Fear can wake a person up. Fear can make a person hide. Fear can justify extremities, validate simplicity, or intensify curiosity. Many people on the road today acted differently to this fierce tsunami like storm. Some pulled off to the side of the road and waited for the rain to soften and the lightning to calm. Others drove the usual speed limit or faster to rebel against the weather. Some, like me, drove about 10 under the speed limit, and paid attention to our surroundings in order to reach our destination in a safe and timely manner. This reaction by people is not unique to this situation. I find in all my daily obstacles strangers react in one of 3 ways.

Rain is lovely to me. It is the substance in which life is created and maintained pouring down onto the filth and corruption we have created and maintained. A sense of renewal is brought with a storm like today. But it also showers onto the beauties of the world we have not yet succeeded in ruining. My hike through El Yunque in Puerto Rico revived this idea. The hike was long and hot, but so rewarding once I reached the top and drank fresh, clean, life giving rain water. It was at the top of the mountain, knee deep in rain water that I was able to appreciate everything my senses had just witnessed.

Nobody ever wants to get wet. Even me, today once I reached my destination, I sat in my car deciding whether or not I wanted to wait to get out and venture to the house. I looked in my mirror to see Sarah walking to my car with a huge umbrella and a relieved smile wiped across my face. My thoughts wrapped up while Sarah and I shared an umbrella and walked through the muddy puddles that were slowly draining into the sewer. After all, it is about appreciation and relationships with others who are also experiencing life…

Therapy

The world got me down over the past 2 days.

People do this thing to me... this thing I say because no word can define.  They break my heart, make me lose hope, and with this comes the drive- the motivation (inshalah).

I needed to cheer up, so I asked people to give me a word and I wrote a quick rhyme with the word.

Enjoy, or so I did.

 

Shannon Is Always A Bit Deeper Than The Average Bear

Sustenance.

Take a Chance
Learn to Belly Dance
Visit the Capital of France
Get lost in a Hypnotic Trance

There is more than what you see At First Glance
You dont have to stick to the same Ol Stance
Life sometimes is just a Game of Chance
Not just a line at the Cash Advance
You got to Break Dance!

Dont settle, or belittle your potential growth- its up to your maintenance- sustenence.

CUP

Billy Gibson says, Cup
That's whats up!

I look to my pup

she is drinking tea from a cup

while watching the world cup...
nah, I give up

So He Is Impressed... Xylophone He Says... I Accept The Challange

Xylophone!?!?!

Thats  a tough one, lemme postpone

any plans I had of my own

Attack this word, I may need a wish bone

Lets pretend we live in Seirra Leone,

Just for a minute use your imagination like a stepping stone

we be living in a tropical zone

where there aint no rosseta stone

Good thing I got verizon with no Drop Zone,

Can you hear me now? i say on my new phone

Yea Nick, you hear my sassy tone?

now, I got to go take a vitamin, flintstone.

I Asked My New Roommate Nick To Give Me The First Word That Came To Mind...

Canary!

You cant rhyme anything with canary!
Oh, but on the contrary!

Some may think I am a fairy,
but really I am just the niece of a lady named Sheri.
I have probably spent too much time in Lake Erie,
that nuclear waste is very scary
the type that makes the wrong genes marry
creating 3 eyed fish that the governement has to bury

Or maybe I am a saint like the virgin mary
this may make you feel a bit wary...
especially if I start speaking Azeri
Make you need a dictionary

Sometimes I feel like I reside in a prarie
drinking too much scotch like my boss Larry
starting to see things like tom and jerry
Somone call the doctor I am a bit too merry!

see nick.. my brain is anything but airy! HA!

Sweet Slumber

It's late,
and I have to wake up early.
Move in to my new apartment,
is this my biggest problem?

It's late,
and I cant close my eyes.
There is too much avaliable for me to read,
is this my biggest problem?

It's late,
and I cant put my computer away,
Too many means of communication and information.
is this my biggest problem?

Freedom is my biggest problem?  Taking the weight of the world and carrying it on my back? Hardly.  I hardly do this at all. It is late, I should go to bed, I want to go to bed, but I need not.  All of the above are my biggest problems, they create and at the same time destroy this reality in which I live. You too.  So my friend, what are we do?

A Good Life Lived...

There are days when the world simply breaks my heart.  Days when I cannot stand the people on this planet, because they show very convincingly that they don't give a damn about anyone but themselves, or their class of people... whether it be blatant racism, or the sickening degradation of women, I have a hard time stomaching the injustice. 

I had a conversation this morning about leading by example with someone I care about dearly.  I stated all of my reasons for this view, and  how it works, how it doesn't work etc etc... but as the day went on, I sunk deeper and deeper away from this enlightened point of view, and more towards indignant. I read news articles, experts from various books, watched the documentary "For Neda" and listened to my best friend and her brother recap what ended to be a horribly violent and racist filled evening for the two of them.  I was not looking for the worlds evils, they crept up on me... in a way maybe, to remind me that they need attention, rather than an example. I lay here, with my mind flying through realms of thought, all negative and all sickening.

But like the conversation ended this morning... once one gives up on humanity, one gives up on oneself...


A quote that  I read once by Friedrich Nietzsche is pacing through my brain..."No man lies so boldly as the man who is indignant."

...

Life.
How it twists and turns

loops, and circles

jumps and bounces

hides and stalks

Never predictable

even when one may feel stagnant

it will sneak up on you

surprise you

jolt you

remind you who is boss

Oh how I love this elusive quest for the meaning of life...

the ride, so beautifully stunning

heart wrenching

utterly confusing

and for the ill hearted,

selfishly boring

Teetering

I doubt everything. Why? I am not completely sure. Does this constant doubt bring about a pessimistic attitude? No, I don’t think so… but I do worry about it. Doubt could hinder my career possibilities, or stunt the growth of ideas… it could barricade love and slow down the process of creativity. Why would such a strong person let doubt bring them down? Or maybe it is being strong that creates the doubt… Knowing the appropriate time to let your guard down is not easy, but very necessary. A balance between being determined and conscious of the environment and its evils, and letting life fall into place ever so freely with a relaxed and trustworthy state of mind is something I am learning. Patience is helping me get through this, and in turn… helping me to trust.

Change Your Sheets Already!

I read once that a messy bed is a sign that the owner‘s life is in need of some change. Well when climbing into bed tonight, I realized I have not made my bed in a week. What kind of change could my unconscious mind be yearning for? Could it be the lack of excitement in my life that is fueling this desire for change? Or am I thinking too much into this… one thing I know for sure, I need to make my bed.

I Just Wanna Be Successful...

The older I get, the more I understand. This seems like an obvious statement, but I would disagree. I find it much easier to say, the older I get, the more confused I become. However, this confusion that I speak of is my understanding. Understanding that life is confusing, and understanding that it is only confusing because I seek to understand it. If I did not spend countless hours pondering, stretching my imagination, and deepening my knowledge, I would not be so confused about life. I would go day to day, following my same routine… feeling the same emotions, and never really understanding this beauty of confusion that I do now.

This leaves me in a strange state of mind. The acceptance of confusion as growth and understanding does something to the mind. We are taught our whole lives that confusion is the opposite of understanding, so does this mean that I am wrong? Or is it okay to explore new ideas, and break the bounds in which we are to live our lives?

I love growing up, I love learning, I love being confused. To me, stagnation is the most evil of all. As long as I continue to progress, and to become more and more “confused” about where I am going… I will be happy. And happy is the goal, right?

Back to the OLD Grind...

Since I have been back, my mind has felt... a bit unbalanced. Which, if you know me well, you know this is very bad for me. I love balance, I prize feeling balanced, and I try to keep my life as balanced as possible. I have been analyzing my current thought process, and I am not quite sure what is wrong with me. I think I feel deprived of what I now know exists. Before I went to Jerusalem, I used certain vices to create a muse for myself... While traveling, I didnt need these vices... the material in which to think, write, read and analyze was never lacking. In fact, I couldnt find enough time to write everything that I was thinking and experiencing down. Now, being back to my old grind, I feel empty. I am not quite sure what to do with myself here. I wake up, with no real plan for the day. I dont feel that there is anything new for me to experience here. I suppose my attitude could change, with time... But I dont think it will. I always had a urge to travel the world, now that Ive had a taste, I feel addicted. How can I make this happen?

This is what 26 hours of traveling will do to ya...

Travelling back to the states is so surreal. Leaving somewhere that you don’t feel ready to leave is a hard thing to do. This morning I got a cab at 3:15am to take me to the Tel Aviv Ben Gurion airport. It was about a 30 minute drive, with Celion Dion to keep us company. He drove the nicest cab I have ever been in, and also played the most love filled music I have ever heard in a cab. I watched the land pass me by, or the land watched me pass by rather, and I got a pit in my stomach. I will be back, Inshallah…
My experience at the Tel Aviv airport was in fact, perfect. At the time, I was angry, upset, and sad. I was put through humiliating security checks, and have never felt that helpless before. However, now that I am in the sky flying to Atlanta, thinking back, it was the perfect experience to leave Israel with. It left me with a feeling of indignation, with a reason to come back. The propaganda filled walls, and the unjustifiable searches filled my head with a new attitude, and my heart on fire. This, to me, is the reality that exists, and with that, I should experience and appreciateit.
The flight to Athens was full of very religious people. Most did not speak, but the man who sat next to me kept eye balling my book, “The Great War for Civilisation” by Robert Fisk. He was dressed in a long black robe with a head cover that had little gold crosses on it, and a long gold priestly looking necklace. He spoke very little English, I recognized him from my flight 2 weeks earlier from Athens to Tel Aviv. At the end of the flight, he turned to me, smiled genuinely, and told me to enjoy my stay, wherever I end up.
I don’t think I will ever be so happy to be in the Athens airport. It was familiar to me; I knew what I needed to do, and where I needed to go. I didn’t get searched, and I only got questioned once, and this was only because I was coming from Israel. The wifi limit still annoys me, however, but I will not be a downer about it since I did get to chat with some friends for 45 minutes while waiting to board my next flight.
Language is a funny to me. There are so many different tongues expressing the same emotions and thoughts. Over the last 9 hours I have been surrounded by many languages that are not my own. I have not had a travelling companion to speak with, and even the native English speakers that I have come across steer clear of me in fear that I do not speak English myself. But even when travelling in and through foreign countries, you will still come across that communal human language; body language. The lady sitting next to me for instance does not speak a lick of English, and I know about 4 Greek words. However, we are still able to communicate, almost intuitively with our body language. She speaks Greek, I speak English, and we almost know what each other are trying to say. The power of empathy towards the different really hit me when we were taking off and she started to cross her chest in a catholic religious manner. This told me, without any words at all, that she was praying for a safe landing, for all of us. I do wish, however, that we were able to communicate more effectively. I helped her fill out her customs declaration, in which the language barriers posed some problems.
10,000 meters high, I find this to be a good time to explain my love for my new besties. Who would have guessed that we all would have bonded so much in such a short time period- I mean I honestly did not expect that. In 10 days, we spend about 17 hours a day together, Caitlin and I spent about 23 hours a day together, and Ahmed spent every night with us. We all became best friends; shared secrets and stories about ourselves, and really watched each other grow. We experienced some intensity together, and spent the nights unwinding and reflecting. The last night, in Neve Shalom was so nice. I was leaving earlier than the rest of the group; my cab came at 3:15 am. The besties stayed up all night with me and we just talked and played silly games. I honestly, feel so lucky to have grown so close to strangers like that.
Caitlin, she stands up for what she feels is right. I haven’t met many people as strong willed as her. She took care of me, stood up for me, and still gave me lots of shit. Shannon, she has that musical soul. She genuinely cares about people living together harmoniously, and I know she will never end up behind a desk. Rachael's smile is contagious. Her passion to grow and travel will take her far. Noura, mama teddy bear. Such a sweet heart and a smart brain she possesses. Disciplined, but still knows how to laugh. Elizabeth, such a genuinely honest person, I admire her bursting truth with every emotion she admits. Anthony, a truly caring person who loves a Cuban cigar and a glass of red wine- he is so quick witted for growing up in such a small town! Meatball aka J, I love me some meatball! J, possesses this unique way of analyzing situations, and is probably one of the funniest people I know. Sarah, so quiet and nice, but sooooo damnnnn smarrrrrrt, girl, you amaze me. And Ahmed- cannot forget about our new Palestinian pal- you provided us with a whole new perspective, stuck up for us at the market store and your stories are ridiculous.
Dr. H, you provided us with the tools to create an opinion, never forcing your own on us. Thank you for setting up meetings with such interesting people, and taking our feedback about the trip seriously.
My friends back home, I know I have expressed this many times before, but none of this would have happened without you guys. Sincerely from the bottom of my heart, thank you and I love you. Hat night tomorrow night, I cannot wait to see you guys! Jet lag can kiss my beep!
I am actually excited to start school, even though it is going to be crazy this quarter. This trip fueled me with the motivation to finish up college and go into the world to do great things. Discipline and happiness are this summer’s theme; I plan on accomplishing a lot so that I am that much closer to what makes me happy- helping people by spreading the truth. The best weapon against the world’s evils is knowledge, and the ability to really think appropriately. If peace was easy, it wouldn’t be such a common word known in all languages.

"Have A Nice Flight"

Its 5:30 am and I am sitting on the floor of the Tel Aviv Ben Gurion airport. I feel completely violated. I went through hell the last 2 hours trying to get where I am right now. My bags were searched four separate times. They went through every piece of my luggage, asked me questions that no one knows the answer to at 3 am- they threw away anything that rubbed them the wrong way. Each time they searched my bags; they took everything out and made me repack it… just to re-search it. They examined my books, asked why I was reading such material and what I knew about it… if it had anything to do with my visit to Israel, threw away a magazine, read every page of my journal; asked why I had Hebrew and Arabic written in it, or why I had certain entries… Asked if I spoke Arabic, or knew any Arabic words… made me explain where I went each day, if I ever left Jerusalem, why I came to the airport alone, threw my granola and protein bars away… made me take out every piece of electronics out so they could examine each separately… And after all that, they wouldn’t even let me carry one of my bags on. Hell.
2 hours of hell and I get through security. As I walk down the halls, I watch the walls. I study the posters, the images on them, and the slogans attached. I start to get sick to my stomach. Still, through security, I don’t feel safe. Maybe because after they searched me 3 times, they chased after me and searched me a 4th.
The last 10 days have been eye opening to say the least, and I suppose this experience is fitting.

I never thought I would say this in a million years… but I cannot wait to get to Athens!!! Hahahahaha :)

5 more minutes...

I love it here, and I am not ready to leave...

I need to find a way back, soon.

Trapped in a Glass Case of Emotion

Today was such a roller coaster of emotions for me.

My morning was great, Rachel and I sat at a remote table in the courtyard to share breakfast and coffee while enoying the view, and some time alone from the group. It was fun, happy times. We joked around, but also had some serious talk. I enjoyed it greatly.

We then met up with the group at 830 am and headed to the Holocaust Museum. This was intense for it was so depressing to see so much dehumanization, and then to sit and contemplate how this nation is now dehumanizing another group of people in order to secure their own spot under the sun. After we walked through, we all sat outside quietly and thought and wrote alone. It was a very deep moment for each of us...

How many lives must be sacrificed before we realize worth?

How many tears must be shed before we feel pain?


How many lessons must be taught before we understand?

How many questions must be asked before we get an answer?

I wrote this directly after finishing my self guided tour of the museum. I just see this plain as day, and I feel confused because people complicate everything. Why must we use stupid justifications to repeat evils we should have learned from? No matter the scale, knowledge and empathy towards humanity should never be disregarded.

After the museum, we traveled to Hebrew University to meet students who were also participating in The Jerusalem Project. We toured the campus, and sat in with their class. I was so nervous and anxious to speak that I was shaking uncontrollably. I faced my fears and felt courageous when I spoke to them, dialogue was produced. We spoke for an hour or so, shared some homemade desserts from the professor, and took a picture on the roof.

We grabbed some lunch a couple blocks away and the laughter had finally been restored. Lunch was good, except I accidentally got swordfish on Caitlin. I have been dubbed the messiest eater by my new friends. Awesome.

We met up with a old member of the project named Mordechai Zeller at the Zion Gate. He showed us around the Jewish quarter, and the Western Wall. Mordechai is such an interesting person, but he reminded me of a missionary Jew sort of. I felt the whole tour was an attempt to convert me to Judiasm, because he didnt want me to go to hell. It was... different. I felt, sane.

Each ofr us on this trip has had moments where we question EVERYTHING we know. Today I think, was one of those days for most everyone...

After dinner Ahmed from PYALARA came over and hung out in the courtyard with us, it was a splendid time as always. I love new friends. Relationships here seem to be growing so much stronger and faster than at home, this place is so intense... I love it.

Search for Inner Peace will Never Cease...

I haven’t prayed in almost 10 years. I have had a problem with praying, because I have a problem with religion. People always say, you don’t need religion to pray… but they don’t understand where I am coming from. Even if you don’t follow religious rituals and rules, you are still identifying with a certain God that has been produced from a religion. Growing up, I have always found this hypocrisy with religion. I believed that dressing a certain way, or worshiping a “holy site” or even reading scripture did not bring one closer to God. I still believe this, and being here has enforced this belief even more. Today at the Church of Visitation, I felt for the first time in a decade the urge to pray, and I did. It brought me to tears because I finally found the answer to my frustration with spirituality and religion. People cling to the past, the known, to explain the unknown. This to me is backwards. Enlightenment, progression, edification all come from open mindedness, travel, free expression of self, language… these are the keys to finding my own inner peace with the world and its ills. I know for sure that I will never embrace or accept religion, I will never be convinced of its power to produce faith, but I am open to the spiritual connection that might come along with life experience. Every day I feel a new sense of reality, and meaning to be alive and to do good… Is that not that what religion is suppose to instill in its followers? Continual growth of my mind, body and spirit will further my path. People try to explain life rather than live it. Traveling to Jerusalem, the holy land, I have been able to witness the divine stories I have heard and read about. I went to that tomb Jesus walked out of, I felt the rock that Mohammed ascended from, and I stood on the ground the temple once stood on… I feel the holiness here; it is kept here by the people who walk these streets every day. It is impossible to come here and not to feel overwhelmed, but in a good way.
I still have 6 more days here, and I am sure more will change. These are just some thoughts from today.
Also, we visited the Sabreen studio today, freaking awesome.
Peace!

Jerusalem Syndrome

The last two days have been so freaking busy it is unreal. Running on about 5 hours of sleep a night, we have covered the Old City like hummus on a pita. Every morning we wake up at 7 and have a delicious Middle Eastern breakfast.

Yesterday we met with Albert Aghazarian. He is one of the most amazing people I will probably ever meet. We met in his study in the morning, which in the Armenian quarter. We all talked, shared books and drank Arabic coffee, accompanied with cookies. Afterwards, he showed us around the entire Old City, and took us on a roof that overlooked everything. We visited the Church of Holy Sepulcher, which was insanely crowded with tourists that we could really enjoy it. Albert was an amazing guide to the city; he has been the most unbiased person I have heard speak about the city. "In the end, it is not abought having the promise land, but having a promising land..." And today we ran into him on the street, coincidentally, and he said "too much religion and not enough love." Brilliant man, I hope I get to see him again.
We had lunch with the Khattab Family Lunch in Beyt Tsaffa. WOW. The grandfather told us his story over the most delicious food I have ever had in my life. He brought everyone to tears, including himself. When he was 17 Jordan built a fence separating the village he lived in, and tearing his family apart. Him and his 10 year old sister we stuck on the Israeli side, while the rest of their family on the Jordan side. He spent 4o years struggling to regain his rites….
After lunch, we had another tour of the Old city. We take so many tours because it is impossible to find an unbiased guide. It is very interesting, and part of the ethnographic process, to analyze what each of them says while showing you the city. This particular guide was a little biased against Israel. I find the graffiti in the city to be most interesting, and the fact that the locals still use markets rather than grocery stores… I still haven’t really wrapped my head around that one. Once we got back to the hostel we met Naomi Chazan. She is another one of the most amazing people I will ever meet in my life. You should look her up, coolest lady ever. She grew up in Jerusalem, and now is a huge peace activist.

Today was absolutely mind blowing. We went to temple mount, and actually went INSIDE Dome of the Rock!!!! Seriously, non Muslims are not allowed in. Dr. H must know some very important people… The experience was beyond spiritual, this city is full of holiness, and we all officially have the “Jerusalem Syndrome.” This just means we are going crazy.